Auto-Tune: The First Worthy Usage

Sheer brilliance.

DMB Syndrome

DMB SYNDROME

[noun]     1.  reference to when a product is judged by a variety of outside, surrounding influences instead of the product itself.  Derived from the Dave Matthews Band; common but not exclusive to the arts and entertainment community.

Possible carrier monkeys of the Syndrome.

Beavis and Butthead live!

http://www.wesh.com/cnn-news/20366679/detail.html

Saucy J here,

It is refreshing tales like this that give me hope in a sad world. Everyday people try (ie the president, my parents, friends) and it seems the only people that succeed are all of the baffoons on youtube and the bigger idiots that  imitate them that bring a certain brighter spirit to my day. I look forward daily to seeing the knew semi-mentally handicapped prepubescent turd and soon to be severely physically handicapped kids find new and interesting ways to kill themselves on youtube. The ones that actually bother me are the ones that don’t even record it or tape it for our pleasure. I mean how selfish. What else am I supposed to be doing during a productive day at work?

These kinds of behaviors remind me of a few instances in my own life that I should have been recording at a young age. Unfortunately, they didn’t have camera’s coming out of peoples asses yet so we could only take pleasure in our death defiance among friends. Specifically my friends and I used to soak tennis balls in hairspray and light those bad boys and send’em flying down the street. I can’t say this was a good idea or a bad one, I can say that I wasn’t stupid enough to use gasoline from a lawn mower. I mean in this day of alternative energy don’t you think he could have used anything else? Maybe something a little less explosive. I know, next time stick a wad of C4 in the front side of your pants and see what happens. My uneducated guess would be something bad. Just a guess though. When I have kids I want to skip the adolescence and move straight in to pre-hair in funny places aged kids so that I can forego hitting the download button on the world wide inter web and have a front row seat to the insanity. Freaking kids better not yell at me to spray them with the hose though. I’m not lifting a finger. You got yourself in that ridiculous predicament now get yourself out or ask a friend to do it.

The final disturbing topic that has to be discussed are these little turkey’s mom. What in the world? Maybe if you started paying attention to what they are doing before they light themselves on fire than maybe you wouldn’t have to blame it on poor youtube. All day long those poor people at youtube get yelled at for promoting the greatest collection of awesomeness the world has ever seen.

My biggest question is: Are we broadcasting this in to space? If so, no wonder those ET’s or UFO driving beings or water fearing green creatures from space are coming to kill us all and steal all of our resources or turn us into batteries.

Advice: People, Watch your kids or pay someone to do so and please teach them about the different kinds of flammable objects. I just saw The Hurt Locker and learned that the army needs more explosive experts. Maybe your crazy bastard kid has a future after all.

Kids, Keep up the videos. Those things don’t make themselves.

Subliminal Advertising

Is it just me, or does the new “Shake Weight” look like a new amazing invention to subliminally work on a person’s ability to effectively pleasure a male?

Paper or Plastic

A friend of mine just sent me an article from WIRED magazine about a 16 year old Canadian High School student named Daniel Burd who found a way for plastic to decompose in just 3 months.  

#1 Song in America – July 28th, 2009

Hello America.  Here are the lyrics to your #1 song:

Black Eyed Peas – “I Got a Feeling”

Actual Black Eyed Peas: served fresh with some boom boom pow

The Room

Amazing movies are not created. They are meticulously born from a single person that takes on the roles of director, producer, writer and actor. This multi-layered individual has to have a less than proficient grasp of human emotion/acting in general . There has to be loose ends, major plot points that are never revisited, a creepy kid, over used San Francisco establishing shots, beautiful rose pedaled sex scenes, semi-decent green screens, a football and all the while exploring the explosive topics of drugs, adultery, cancer, best friends and betrayal. If you have not yet seen the 6 million dollar, 2003 movie “The Room” by writer/director/actor/producer Tommy Wiseau then please keep reading.

How To Get Inspired To Write

Don’t go anywhere! You’re in the right place! You want to write something, a short story, a song, a simple blog post, an essay, a novel!? But you’ve got writer’s block, or you just don’t feel like it. I’ve been there buddy; let me help you, let me be the wind beneath your wings. Did my reference bring about images of the Bette Midler song? Did you know that she didn’t even write that song, that song wasn’t even written for her originally, but she gets all the credit? Life’s just not fair sometimes right? Well you know what Bette Midler’s got? She’s got moxie (and so do you) and that’ll get you a long way. So first things first, I’ve gotta tell you, the best way to get inspired to write is through shear will-power, you need to sit down and just start hacking away, stream of consciousness if you have to, and often times what you write in those feverish sessions won’t be an outline or a treatment for a future piece, it will be the piece itself! But you want something more, you don’t just want to get something on paper, you want to write something great. The bad news is it takes time; the good news is it takes experience and you’ve got that. You may have heard the advice “write what you know,” but I’m telling you to take it a step further, you don’t just have experience, but you have passion, everybody’s passionate about something and writing with passion is what will make your words powerful. Don’t rely on wine, or marijuana, or stimulants for inspiration. Those things aren’t necessarily bad in and of themselves, but F. Scott Fitzgerald is remembered as saying that if he hadn’t been drinking so much while he wrote later in his career, what he wrote would have been a lot better. You don’t need a substance to get out what’s in your head. You need a comfortable chair, no distractions and will power. So close your browser, stop reading this blog, open your word-processor and start typing!

You be the judge…

Larry King asks Joe Jackson about when he thought Michael may have become addicted to painkillers…

The Teacher and the Learner

On January 27th, 2009 American author John Updike passed away.  I can’t say that I’m well versed in regards to his writing or that his novels have meant much to me.  This was illustrated perfectly when, after hearing of his death, I spent the next 10 minutes thinking about two books of his I enjoyed – A Painted House and The Client – only to realize that those were written by John Grisham not Updike.  However one Saturday morning, Updike’s words found a way to have profound impact on me.

Dear Mr. Updike: I'm sorry I mistook you for a different author post mortem.

After a hard day’s work, my idea of time is based on what is playing on the radio during the drive home.  At work I deal with meetings, schedules, conferences calls, and all sorts of calendar related minutia to the point that once I’m outside the confines of my vocation I subconsciously block the idea of time altogether.  This is likely the reason that I’m late to everything on the weekends.  That combined with pure laziness and  a complete disregard for other people’s time.